I was 26 when I moved to Denmark, and I just turned 29. I had everything going for me in the US - a job (although I was not in love with it), a family, friends, a dog. I lived on my own, had a car, was paying my bills. I was starting to acquire nice possessions - I felt like an adult, and things were coming together for me. But, I wasn't satisfied. Something was missing, and I was practically frothing at the mouth over my daydreams of living in Europe.
My friend Anny knew about my dream of possibly studying in Europe, and giving myself the chance to not only live here, but to travel the world. I kept these thoughts and dreams to myself for a long, long time. Because I knew when I opened my mouth and told others about them, then they were real - and that I had to act. Anny has always been a truly supportive friend, and I can say, one of the most treasured possessions I have she gave to me - a 2001 edition, Triple AAA Europe Travelbook. With a $1 price tag on the front cover. I still remember the day Anny gave me the book that she had found at a garage sale or in a used book shop - she handed it to me and said 'Here you go. Make it happen.'
And moving here was, and is, a great experience. I must admit, I have struggled with the fact that at times, I felt like I had regressed in life. I was living paycheck to paycheck. I couldn't go shopping. I was a poor student yet again. I had roommates. At times, I felt that I had nothing to show for myself - it was crazy.
But fast-forwarding through all of that and bringing myself to the time around graduation, and beginning to work full-time again, that for sure, was an adjustment again. I essentially went through the same crisis, twice. Again, I had to emerge from the protected bubble of student life, and thrust myself into a full-time career. Life was hard in the states, adjusting to not seeing your friends as often, etc. But it was even harder in Denmark because of the culture. I really immediately felt the impact of being a foreigner in a foreign country. It was not as easy to make friends outside of work, as the immediate social circle of student life was gone. Danes are not as open in the work environment - when the work day is done, they go home, and that is it. It was not easy to make friends at work.
So I often found myself questioning what I was doing. Again, I was thinking, am I supposed to live here now? Am I supposed to move home? What is my purpose in life? I was not extremely happy in my job at Bestseller, but I knew I was making the most financially sound decision I could for myself. I was taking care of myself, making sure that I could pay my bills and make ends meet.
Piled onto that is the idea that at times, I feel that people in the US are pulling away. Whether it be family or friends, it seems that people are beginning to forget about me. I know that is probably crazy, but you know how the old saying goes - out of sight, out of mind. There is no doubt in my mind I am missed, as evidence through the emails and Facebook posts and phone calls that say 'When are you coming home?' and 'We miss you!' While those make me feel so good and loved, at the same time, they make me feel a little sad - as if people were only supportive of this European experience as just that, an experience. That maybe they believe it should have only lasted the length of my education, and the fact that it has lasted longer, they don't understand - and possibly aren't as happy for me anymore. I miss my friends and family terribly - and there are some things I would change about my life here if I could. I am proud I am American and I miss my home. But I also have so many positive things in my life right now; my life is so much more simplistic here and less stressful, and I love that. But above all, I finally have the opportunity to get ahead in life in terms of finances and experience - and I am jumping on that opportunity. This is what I came here for! This is what was supposed to happen after I got a Master's degree! But that is not to say that I can't be around for those back home. With the amount of technology these days, and airplanes, etc - I just need people to know that I can normally find a way to get back home to be a part of something important. So please, continue to ask, instead of just assuming that because there is an ocean between, I won't be there anyway. Mistakes and experiences have been made, and will be made along the way. But I don't think one should regret anything, as life is about living and learning from experiences. As my girl Kelly Bensimon says on the Real Housewives of New York City (yes, I watch that crap!), "I am living the American dream, one mistake at a time!"
I have settled into my working life, and am now, because of my new job (to be filled in later), excited about going to work, and excited about the opportunities and possibilities that lie ahead of me. And while these questions are never completely stifled in my head, I draw comfort in the fact now that I remember why it was I first wanted to come over here. I remember the day Anny gave me that book. I am living my dream. It is a reality right now - it is actually my life. And when I think about that, I can start to calm down, and breathe a little easier. Everything starts to come into perspective for me more.
And in almost 3 years, I have traveled the world, and seen a great deal of that, and for that, I am proud.
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